he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
