It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
