singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
