I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
