i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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