your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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