he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
