even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
