Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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