They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
