i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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