did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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