shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
