You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
