So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
