"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
