i already hear my dad disowning me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
