Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
