Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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