it was like eating out sand paper
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
