wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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