college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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