Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
