I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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