If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
