cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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