Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
