Apparently you make a good broom.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
