I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
