Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
