If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
