Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
