this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dick very happy bro
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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