I want to have your abortion
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Vodka?
Forever.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
