Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
