You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
