oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize