dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
