Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
All the doctor said was why
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize