people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize