Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
