Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
