he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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