Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
