Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
