He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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