My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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