Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
