at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize