he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
