I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
