So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
