so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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