I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
