Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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