Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
