I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize