Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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