guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
