help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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