all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
