but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
