My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
