Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
