I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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