If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
What a dumb baby whore.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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