Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize