you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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