Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
