barbara walters just said penis...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
