their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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