When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
