I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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