I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
