I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
