Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
